After a 13-hour shift, the last thing most people want to do is cook for themselves, especially in the wee hours of the morning.
This scenario proved to be a reality for one husband who turned to the Internet for support after an argument with his wife.
In a viral Reddit post titled: “AITA for wanting my wife to make me dinner,” user Bitter-Lake-4481 explained that he’s been with his wife, 26, for four years.
The 25-year-old claims he works 75 to 80 hours a week and provides 80 percent of their income. His wife works three to four days each week for no more than seven hours a day.
He stated, “She [can] provide things like fun groceries (snacks/candy) and when we go out she can pay for things like a tip or drinks and I appreciate that and tell her thanks when she can rock it. She also does most of the household chores in the little ones [apartment]. Besides, I’m the one paying for our lives.”
He explains that he doesn’t have the energy to cook, saying, “I come home hungry for real food.
“The other night I came home around 1:30am to find my wife passed out on the couch with an empty personal pizza from Little Ceasars. I got excited thinking I had a cold one in the fridge waiting for me…. .wrong. annoyed but not upset, I microwave a chef boards, shake it off and call it a night. The next day I have the same night, around 1:30 I go home. Here she is passed out, now with a bowl of macarons and pastries (one of my favorites) and again. Nothing in the fridge for me.”
He points out that it’s not the first time this has happened and he’s asked his wife to cook for them before, but she “barely admits.”
A complicated conversation
He ended the post by stating that they had another conversation about cooking, but it didn’t go well.
“[She said]that she is NOT my maid and I’m being lazy trying to get her to cook for me. I told her I was just hungry after a long day and was upset to see her cooking for herself and not thinking about me at all. I said she was being careless and that upset her.
“I said if I want a slave then she is not her. I told her I don’t want a slave, I want a wife who seems interested in me. She looked at me with a shocked face and stormed off,” he wrote.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, Relationship Therapist, talks to Newsweek for the post that has 9600 upvotes.
She said: “It’s really no good asking her, no matter what time of day or night, why she didn’t get food for him, only to have her turn it around and say she’s not a maid.
“Also, accusing him of being lazy because he wants her to cook for you or order food for you after he’s worked 13-hour days is unkind and inaccurate.” Last I checked, marriage is about interdependence and negotiation. A codependent relationship provides security because it is dynamic, allowing both to be independent while maintaining a healthy balance between what each partner needs and wants.
“Negotiation is an important component of marriage because it allows partners to navigate their needs, even when they don’t align with what each other wants.”
DeWitt states that it would not be “unreasonable or unacceptable” for a man to ask his wife to cook dinner several nights a week.
She advises the couple to sit down and work out an arrangement where she agrees to host dinner when he works long shifts.
“He deserves a partner who equally wants to take care of him, even when it’s not comfortable for her at times. Love is partly about navigating and negotiating each other’s wants, needs, desires and independence, even when it might not be exactly what the other person had in mind,” DeWitt said.
The post got a lot of traction with over 4,500 comments. The former has 26,000 upvotes.
It said: “NTA Wow this comment section is shocking to me. I really feel for you, I’m sure you’re exhausted when you’re done. It’s extremely unreasonable to think you’re a fool if your standards are also just frozen pizza. It’s sad.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t have any leftovers. Few people eat an entire pizza or an entire box of Macn cheese. Where did the rest go? The thing is, she didn’t keep it for him. She made sure he had nothing ready to eat after working 80 hours a week to provide for her,” said another.
Speaking from experience, one user said, “As a woman, I can tell she’s overreacting and what he wants isn’t much. I always call my partner to see if they want anything if I order food or if I prepare food. even if they are not at home, it is nice to at least offer her to them. I’m not saying make a 5-course meal, but make extra of what you’re making.’
Newsweek reached out to u/Bitter-Lake-4481 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Have you noticed any red flags that have caused you to end a relationship? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask for expert advice and your story could be featured in Newsweek.