No More Christmas Movies Please – The Interior Journal

No more Christmas movies please

Posted at 12:16 PM Tuesday, January 9, 2024

By Jack Godby

Contributing columnist

Am I the only one thankful that Christmas is finally over? I, for one, am tired of seeing everything Christmas everywhere I turn. Nothing that I had to look at the Christmas decorations at Walmart since mid-October, everywhere I turned I had to put up with something Santa, mistletoe or candy canes.

It seems like every food manufacturer is trying to tap into the massive spending spree that happens at Christmas. If there’s a way to add mint or cranberry to something, they’ll find a way to do it. Yesterday I saw the special mint flavored Christmas Oreos. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How dare they mess with the sanctity of an Oreo. They are perfect just the way they are. Later I saw a ham with a packet of cranberry flavored sauce. I believe that the cranberry at Christmas is a lot like the pumpkin at Thanksgiving. It’s the only time of year anyone thinks about eating a cranberry, and they take full advantage of it. Honestly, cranberry has its place. This place is in the trash, but it’s still a place.

Although anything peppermint and cranberry flavored is annoying, please, for the love of all that is holy, stop with the Christmas movies. To be honest, I’m not a movie person. Still, is there anything worse than a Christmas movie. I’m not even talking about those awful Hallmark movies. I’m talking about those movies that most people consider classic. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is as appealing to me as day-old bread. Rudolph with his persistent wining and complaining because the other reindeer don’t want to play with him. Ever wondered why they don’t play with it? It’s because he’s a crybaby.

Frosty the Snowman runs around worried about his hat. He doesn’t seem bothered in the least that he’s not wearing pants. The last thing I want to see is a snowman. Let’s not forget that Frosty stole his favorite hat to begin with. If you’re walking down the road and your hat gets blown away, the person who finds it won’t keep it. I wonder if I’m the only one who cheered when that scary talking snowman melted into a puddle.

I won’t even get started on A Charlie Brown Christmas. I never understood why most of my friends were fans. From what I’ve seen, it seems like he can never succeed at anything. Sorry, but if you trust Lucy not to move the ball more than once, then at some point you have to take some of the blame. Even Snoopy doesn’t seem to respect him. If I have to look at that shaggy Christmas tree that Charlie Brown seems obsessed with one more time, I might throw up.

I can’t comment on Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Carol, or Life is Wonderful because I never mustered enough energy to watch them. Not all Christmas movies are terrible, though. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is the best. I mean who doesn’t love the Grinch? First, the Grinch is funny. From his sarcasm to his witty sense of humor, he’s my kind of guy. This person knows how to spend Christmas and knows the importance of spending some time at home and understands the importance of removing toxic people from our lives. In the movie, he ends up getting an enlarged heart. Sounds like he needs to see a cardiologist. In his weakened state he gives in to all the silliness of Christmas, but I guess he’s had a weak moment just like the rest of us.

Now that Christmas is over, we can take down the seizure-inducing flashing lights, return that fish tie to the store, and put Christmas away for another year.

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