When your income reaches six figures but your savings reach zero, something is wrong. At least that’s how one husband sees it—and now he’s ready to cut out the snacks, the stream, and maybe even the shirts.
In a Reddit post titled “AITAH for giving my wife an ultimatum about her ‘job’?”, a man says he’s fed up — and financially drained. He makes $100,000 in Salt Lake County, Utah, their mortgage is $2,200 a month, and the cars are paid off. But with rising expenses, he says, “we’re still bleeding money.”
His wife, a former nurse, has been a stay-at-home mom for over six years. Two years ago, inspired by her sister’s success, she started a t-shirt business on Etsy. The result?
“To the best of my knowledge, $0 net – unless she spends it in ways I don’t know,” he wrote.
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Meanwhile, spending hasn’t slowed. He says she’ll drop $300 on a kid’s birthday, then ask him for grocery money days later. The pantry, he adds, is full of “exorbitant snacks that I never touch.” Her mother often covers big-ticket outings, which he believes gives an unrealistic sense of what their lifestyle should look like.
“I love my kids,” he wrote, “but if we can’t pay for it, we shouldn’t. My wife can’t understand it.”
He says the real tipping point was that her business consumed time and energy without producing anything in return – “not to be a housewife because she’s investing in this business that doesn’t pay off”. After 1.6 years of trying to remain supportive, he gave her a two-year deadline: either bring in income or take full control of spending.
Now that the deadline is here, he’s ready to act.
“I won’t make her quit. But I will cut Netflix, Amazon, etc. I will do the grocery shopping and not buy the snacks she always gets. I will do the cooking if I have to.”
Commenters asked what her response was when he said their savings were gone. He bluntly replied, “I’ve brought this up and she’s getting defensive, saying I have to trust the process.”
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That’s where patience ends.
Reddit users responded with a mix of finance-focused advice and straightforward assessments. One urged her to “pull her credit reports” because “her spending may be worse than you think.” Another suggested cutting back on joint accounts and assigning her a grocery budget “before it bankrupts you.”
But not everyone saw it that simple. Some have pointed out that they may not understand the math until it is visualized – offering tips such as lining up bills and income with Monopoly money to drive the point home. Others have noted that her mother’s generosity can distort her sense of financial reality—she lives as if she were using her mother’s money, not her husband’s.
Many also asked if they could go back to breastfeeding. He confirmed that her license is active and their youngest is in school, making a part-time return possible. A fellow RN even said she makes “$600-$900 a week working school hours.”
A few have pushed for tough love, warning that financial stress is one of the fastest routes to divorce. And yes, some said he was right to take over. “Clearly she doesn’t understand money management so best to take control,” wrote one.
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However, in a marriage — especially one strained by money and resentment — “taking the reins” isn’t always as simple as Reddit makes it seem.
The husband insists that he is not trying to dominate the relationship. “I don’t want to become a controlling husband,” he said. But the issue isn’t just dollars—it’s about agency, trust, and who gets to define what “work” looks like.
Devil’s advocate? She tries. Maintaining an active nursing license for over six years shows that he has not closed the door on returning to work. And while the Etsy business hasn’t produced any revenue, it can represent more than t-shirts — it’s independence, identity, or an attempt to contribute without abandoning one’s role as a parent.
But at the end of the day, he’s the one staring at the empty bank account. He works full-time, plus a side gig, and fears what would happen if even one paycheck stopped. “If I lost my job, we’d be in huge trouble,” he wrote.
Marriage counseling might help. So could a spreadsheet. But at some point, he says, words stop working. And if that two-year clock just ran out, he’s about to stop asking—and start budgeting.
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This article $100,000-earning husband says he’s ‘bleeding money’ while ex-assistant wife spends freely and brings in $0 – He issues ultimatum for her ‘work’ originally appeared on Benzinga.com
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