It’s fair to say that many of us would describe our adult lives as ‘busy’. I mean, how could it not be? We can work, go to the gym, spend time with family, engage in hobbies and more. For some of us, this isn’t new either: we also had busy childhoods, going from school to soccer practice and piano lessons. While being busy can be stressful, it’s not inherently a bad thing; in fact (and within reason), it can stimulate positive feelings and is even linked to better cognition.
At the same time, it’s important to note that busyness can also indicate something more subtle and less beneficial: overworking. A habit that can start as early as childhood can be a sign that we are simply doing too much. The reason behind it is often rooted in trauma or neglect. It can also cause us to neglect our needs further, which can be harmful.
So let’s discuss what overfunctioning looks like in childhood, nine common traits of adults who overfunctioned as childrenwhat causes the habit, how it can affect you as an adult, and how to deal with it. Psychologists share their expert insights on all of these pieces below.
Related: People who parented as children often develop these 13 traits as adults
What does “overworking” mean?
“Normal” functioning might look like running errands, keeping a bedtime routine, running errands, and being on time, to name a few examples. So “overworking” means doing more than is necessary or typical.
“To overfunction is to perform emotional or practical responsibilities that exceed what is appropriate or expected for a particular role or developmental level, especially to the point of experiencing negative physical or psychological consequences,” says Dr. Natalie Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at MedStar Health.
For example, children can take care of their younger siblings, manage household tasks, or even provide emotional support to their parents.
“We often see this in ‘parented children,’ which is common in families where the parent or primary caregiver is unable to provide full caregiving skills due to mental health or other challenges, including substance use,” he adds.Dr. Dylan Ross, PhD, an organizational psychologist and Chief Clinical & Strategy Officer at PsychHub.
Related: If You Always Feel Like Keeping the Peace in the Family, Psychologists Say You May Have These 2 Main Traits
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What causes overwork?
As mentioned, high-functioning children are usually “parented children”, AKA children who step into the parenting role. They do this because they feel they need to, according to Dr. Ross. For example, if their parent is passed out on substances or can’t get out of bed due to depression or pain, the child may be the one who has to perform the family and household tasks – or they won’t.
What we’re looking at here, says Dr. Anderson, are imbalances, inappropriate expectations, and excessive demands.
“This can be a family system where some members are not actually functioning, which leads to the need for other family members to overfunction to create stability,” she says.
However, this is not necessarily the case 100% of the time. Dr. Anderson points out how families can experience traumatic experiences or chronic stressors that require the entire family to survive. For example, a young teenager works or takes care of their siblings because their parents have to work multiple jobs to pay the bills.
Related: 6 inner child wounds that affect adult relationships, according to a psychologist
9 traits of people who “over-functioned” in childhood, according to psychologists
1. I feel an exaggerated sense of responsibility
Feeling that you are responsible for all– including things beyond your control – is a common trait in these adults. They may “own” problems at work, for example, that are not theirs. This in turn affects their mental health.
“We see this manifest in ways such as chronic guilt, resentment, excessive apologizing, or the person feeling like a failure when something goes wrong, even though they’ve done everything right,” says Dr. Ross. “This happens because they were taught as children that everything was up to them and that any problems in the family were somehow their fault or their responsibility to fix.”
2. Anxious
Given the experiences that many high-functioning children have, it is no wonder that anxiety is common among them.
“Overachievers are often looking for what could go wrong and thinking about what they can do about it,” explains Dr. Anderson. “They’ve learned that this mindset is necessary to maintain safety and security.”
That can cause them to be in fight-or-flight mode (to varying degrees) all the time, she continues, causing chronic anxiety.
3. Hypervigilant
Hypervigilance is a heightened sense of awareness and alertness and is another important indicator.
“People who over-functioned in childhood often have nervous systems that are constantly scanning their social environment for problems, making it difficult for them to rest, relax, and be present because they’re always waiting for the next crisis,” says Dr. Ross.
4. They want to feel “in control”
A sense of control can help people feel safe and secure.
“Sometimes a sense of control is only achieved by ‘fixing’ or managing the details of both day-to-day things and larger tasks,” says Dr. Anderson.
5. They have blurred boundaries
Setting and maintaining boundaries can be difficult for many of us. In adults who overfunctioned as children, the main boundary concern is not knowing what their boundaries are.
“When a child spends much of their childhood focusing on the needs of others, they don’t get enough practice figuring out what they want, what they need, or even how they feel,” explains Dr. Ross. “This can manifest in adults as people-pleasing, challenges setting boundaries with others, or feeling like you’re fulfilling a role rather than living authentically.”
6. Emotional suppression
Along the lines of blurred boundaries, these adults tend to suppress their emotions, believing that they cannot have feelings while being “the one in charge.”
“Although considered prosocial behaviors, in excess, this role can also lead to diminishing or ignoring one’s own needs,” says Dr. Anderson. “Because they’re used to doing so much and not getting as much emotional or practical support from others, it can be hard for them to admit when they need help.”
7. Codependent
People who have codependent patterns typically feel that their worth and stability are deeply tied to other people—how they fare, their feelings of worthiness, and so on.
“It’s difficult for them to distinguish where it ends and where another person begins,” describes Dr. Ross.
In addition, this means that they may struggle to maintain their own identity and may experience anxiety or emptiness when they do not feel actively needed by another person.
Related: How to stop being codependent, according to a trauma-informed therapist
8. Perfectionist
Overworking isn’t just about doing a lot of things, it’s about doing them well.
“Adults who over-functioned as children tend to have extremely high standards for themselves and a deep-seated fear of making mistakes,” says Dr. Ross. “This is because as children their worth and safety was tied to how well they fulfilled their roles.”
Dr. Anderson adds that perfectionistic tendencies begin to feel normal to the overachiever; anything less feels inadequate, causing feelings of insecurity.
9. High performance
This trait is based on perfectionism and a desire to feel in control.
“Over-functioners may seek a sense of being ‘good enough’ or fully prepared for any potential negative outcome, which often leads to incredibly high standards and expectations of themselves,” says Dr. Anderson.
Certain successes (such as social validation, awards, getting the highest grade, and additional financial security) can provide this temporarily.
Related: Adopting this simple phrase can prevent “high-achiever burnout,” according to career experts
How to Cure the Habit of “Overworking”
Between perfectionism, guilt, tons of responsibility, and more, it’s no wonder adulthood isn’t easy, especially as a high-functioning child from the past. But the good news is, if you’re here, you’ve already started to heal. Identification and education is where it starts.
First, Dr. Anderson says it’s important to “realize that you are, in fact, overfunctioning in at least one aspect of your life, which could be at home, in your relationships, or at work.” Why you need to take care of yourself and what not? What can be delegated?
Then, realize what is and isn’t “on” you.
“The first step is to recognize that overfunctioning as a child was not a choice and it was not your fault, but rather it was a coping style in response to circumstances beyond your control,” says Dr. Ross.
Furthermore, he encourages people to identify their maladaptive coping behaviors, that is, those that no longer serve them. A super relatable example is a people pleaser.
From that moment, take small steps, allowing yourself to feel the challenging feelings that arise as you give yourself love.
“Most importantly, as you do this, treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would treat a good friend who is trying to make changes in their life,” says Dr. Anderson.
Working with a therapist is another solid option—especially one who understands family systems and developmental trauma, Dr. Ross says—so you can address patterns, gain insight, and learn new skills. Don’t have one yet? Psychology Today has a database of clinicians where you can filter by providers.
“This is both a very common problem and one that can be difficult to overcome,” concludes Dr. Anderson. “You are not alone.”
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Related: If You Can’t Relax When Someone’s Angry With You, A Psychotherapist Says You Probably Have These 9 Traits
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This story was originally published by Parade on December 28, 2025, where it first appeared in the Life section. Add Parade as a favorite source by clicking here.