I lost my job at 58 when DOGE dismantled USAID. A year later, I’ve landed on my feet, but I still feel survivor’s guilt.

• Jay Gulledge lost his job in 2025 after USAID was dismantled.

• A year later, Gulledge landed a director-level job that he considers meaningful.

• However, Gulledge said he feels survivor’s guilt as former colleagues remain unemployed.

This essay, as stated, is based on a conversation with Jay Gulledge, 59, who is based in Tennessee. His termination of employment with USAID and current employment have been verified by Business Insider.

When the Trump administration dismantled the USAID last year, I was one of the thousands of employees who lost their jobs. I was 58 years old then.

A year after my layoff, I’m happy with how things turned out for me: I work for an exceptional organization with great colleagues.

But every now and then, when I talk to a former colleague or see one of their LinkedIn posts, I start to feel survivor’s guilt. I wonder: why was I so lucky?

I thought USAID would be the last chapter of my career

I’ve had a long and winding career, and my path to working at USAID was circuitous.

In the early 2000s, I was an academic scientist. I went on to work at a climate change think tank, then in middle management at a lab. I took a few years to consult and build a real estate portfolio with the goal of generating passive income.

In my 50s, I became interested in international development. There is a long-standing fellowship program of the American Association for the Advancement of Science that places scientists and engineers in US federal agencies.

I had no experience in international development, just an interest. The fellowship was a foot in the door for USAID, and beginning in September 2022, I spent a year there as a fellow before joining as a climate change mainstreaming advisor on a two-year direct-hire contract.

When I joined the fellowship, I was 56 years old and expected USAID to be the last chapter of my career.

My work fits right in with the priorities of the Biden administration, but I knew those priorities would change with the change of government.

When Donald Trump won the 2024 election, and later when Elon Musk and the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, hit the news, I assumed my days were numbered.

None of us imagined that the agency would be completely closed.

My colleagues found the layoffs scary, but I found them sad

The atmosphere in February was chaotic. I had heard a lot of different things and didn’t really know what was going on.

Many colleagues described this period as scary. I didn’t find it scary. Sadness was my dominant feeling, not a personal sadness, but grief for the world and my country. USAID has had inefficiencies, but it has helped millions of people who no longer receive that aid.

On February 19, 2025, I received an email stating that my termination will take effect on March 5.

Losing my job was a hit, but at 58, I was later in my career, had some passive income from my real estate portfolio, no kids, and was going to be able to pay my bills. It wasn’t going to devastate me financially or hurt my family in any significant way like it might have done for others.

The job market was flooded with people with similar experiences to mine

When my termination took effect, I tried to find a job that would bring me career satisfaction. So at the end of my career, I didn’t need to find a job just for the money.

I was hearing that many of my colleagues were applying for dozens of jobs and not getting calls back. The market was flooded with job seekers in fields related to my expertise. There were thousands of competitors for every job and the risk was that I would find nothing.

I didn’t apply for many jobs and largely avoided international development roles because I had former colleagues who were far more qualified for them than I was.

I knew that if all else failed, I could go back to real estate investing.

I was unemployed for about six months before finding the perfect role as Director of Science Programs at PSE Health Energy, a research center that examines the health implications of the energy system.

I still feel survivor’s guilt

After a year, I’m happy with where I landed. I enjoy learning about new scientific concepts and working with exceptional colleagues.

Still, there is an undeniable sense of loss. I worked for years to move into international development, intentionally cultivating that path, and it was taken away from me. I can’t do anything about it.

I also still feel survivor’s guilt. It’s not a daily thing, but it often comes up when I stop to reflect. I think of my former colleagues, really capable people, who are still unemployed.

For many of them, they had been with USAID their entire careers and really cared about their work. My identity wasn’t built around my job because I was only there for a few years.

I landed on my feet, but the sheer number of people let go meant that not everyone could. They must feel an even deeper sense of loss than I do.

Business Insider reached out to the Office of Personnel Management for comment, but did not receive a response.

Read the original article on Business Insider