It was April 10, 2018, and Colin Brougham hadn’t sent his usual message to his wife that he was cycling home. Instead, he lay dead a few blocks away after being hit by a commuter train.
“I knew he was dead before I knew he was dead,” recalled Rachel Brougham, his widow. “My son and I went to the scene and when they told me it was him, I screamed so loud I think all of Minneapolis heard me.”
Mr Brougham was only 39.
“My life as I knew it changed in an instant,” said Mrs Brougham, now 46. “My future, as I imagined it, was stolen. Grief changes your brain chemistry. It changes the way you think, how you interact with others, how you work. It literally changes everything in your life.
Widowers in their 20s and 30s, few of whom even have a will, can feel even more stunned and unprepared—who expects to die so young?
Mrs. Brougham, like anyone whose husband dies unexpectedly, is suddenly faced with a variety of complex financial decisions: how to handle mortgage payments, car and student loans, leases and credit card debt. Blinded by grief, exhausted and broken, the bereaved must also plan and pay for cremation or burial.
The lump sum Social Security death benefit is just $255, while the average American funeral in 2021 cost $6,971 (with cremation) or $7,848 (with viewing and burial), according to the National Funeral Directors Association. Social Security survivor benefits are also available for children. Ms. Brougham’s 15-year-old son, Thomas, receives $2,149 a month until he turns 18 or graduates from high school, whichever comes later.
“As a certified financial planner and someone who specializes in supporting young widows and widowers, I have seen firsthand the raw heartache of this unique community,” said Brian C. Seymour II, founder and CEO of Prosperitage Wealth in Atlanta. “Losing your partner at an early age, whether through illness or sudden accident, throws you into a storm of grief and financial turmoil.”
Even if it feels overwhelming, Mr. Seymour recommends taking control of your financial situation immediately.
“Get all your financial documents together — bank statements, investment accounts, life insurance policies, wills — and get organized,” he said. “If you’re feeling lost, seek professional help from a paid financial advisor who specializes in young widowers and widowers. We understand your unique challenges and can craft a plan that takes into account your income, debt, benefits and goals.”
Those who have more time to prepare — a spouse dying of a terminal illness, for example — are also faced with making difficult decisions amid emotional stress.
Sarah Seib, 39, whose husband Jason Markle died in 2022 from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease, had a steady job at a local technology company. Mr. Markle worked for many years at Syracuse University as a student administrator, but the demands of his illness quickly turned Ms. Seib into his full-time caregiver, costing her that income, even though she owed $50,000 in student debt.
As her husband’s health declined, he continued to work until the very end because the couple desperately needed his income and health insurance. He communicated via a Tobii Dynavox tablet, which he used by blinking. A GoFundMe campaign provided $20,000 to help with the growing costs.
Mr. Markle had a 401(k) plan, but switching it early would have meant paying a penalty and taxes. The day she died, Ms. Seib lost access to her health insurance. Her mother, who moved in to help Ms. Seib financially and emotionally as her husband’s health declined, still lives in Syracuse, N.Y., with her and now pays half the mortgage.
“You need help from all sides,” Ms Seib said. “A widow’s head is not right and will not be right for a long time.”
Francisco Rosado, a barber and DJ who goes by the name Frank Rose in Orlando, Florida, lost his wife, Rebecca Rosado, when he was 34 and she was 33. He was her caretaker for three years while she struggled to get fit of Hodgkin lymphoma, a form of blood cancer. Ms. Rosado ran a thriving wedding planning business and continued to work as much as she could, but the couple sold their house to cut costs and pay medical bills. They also received $10,000 from a GoFundMe campaign that allowed Mr. Rosado to stop working and spend time with his wife before she died.
For many people whose spouses are from another country, communicating with family abroad can add complications or desired support—or both, as happened to Robyn Truett-Theodorson, who in 2008 was widowed at age 36 after five years and half marriage to Mark Theodorson, British.
Her father took over her late husband’s car payments, and her family “helped me out quite a bit,” she said. Her mother-in-law in Britain sent some money, and Mrs. Truett-Theodorson was grateful that their home in Baltimore was mortgage-free. She deferred her student debt for 18 months and consolidated her credit card debt.
Many young widows and widowers will also have to face the debts of their husbands, which can add a huge burden if they are not released by creditors.
Jeanette Konchikowski was separated from her husband, Mark, when he died two years after graduating from chiropractic school. Both are 36 years old, with children aged 5 and 9. He died of a rare disease, sudden unexplained death from epilepsy, owed about $150,000 in student loans.
“To finance that amount, we did a combination of private and federal loans, and he was the sole co-signer, later consolidated,” said Ms. Koncikowski, now 45 and living in Eden, New York. “At the time of his death, the lender initially told me I would have to pay them back even though I didn’t sign. They said that since we were married when the debt was accrued, I was responsible for the debt.
But after sharing her separation agreement and her husband’s death certificate with the lender, the entire debt was forgiven. “It was a small saving grace in an otherwise terrifying experience,” Ms Konchikovski said.
Daniel Kopp, a certified financial planner in Sarasota, Fla., who lost his wife when he was 31, said it matters when the debt is incurred.
“If it was before the marriage and the couple doesn’t live in a community property state — there are nine — then the surviving spouse usually won’t be responsible for the student loans,” he said. “Community property states can hold the surviving spouse responsible for paying private loans if they were taken out after the marriage, even if the spouse was not a co-signer. That’s the classic financial planning answer: It depends.”
“Student loan borrowers who die will receive their federal student loans by providing documentation such as a death certificate,” Mr. Kopp added. “However, when it comes to private student loans, it will depend on whether there was a co-signer and the terms of the loan. Some private creditors will also discharge the debt, but others may try to make the surviving spouse pay.
Personal, unsecured debts, such as those from credit cards, are usually written off by issuing companies, Mr. Kopp said.
“I even had a widowed customer who tried to pay off the $5,000 balance and Chase bounced her check,” he said. “Car loans usually stay with the car, so if the spouse gets the car through probate, the loan will go to the spouse.”
Anyone who has received life insurance funds after the death of a spouse knows the mixed emotions they evoke.
“It was a great sense of relief – and guilt,” Ms Brougham said. “I thought, ‘Oh my God, my husband is dead and now I have a million dollars.’ In fact, she received $1.575 million from both term and whole life policies, which she invested for future needs.
Mr. Rosado received $250,000 in insurance, and Mr. Kopp said he received about $300,000. This money helped them get out of financial panic at the worst time of their young lives. Additionally, life insurance proceeds are not considered taxable income.
The Broughams had bought life insurance when they were 24 and 25, and Mrs. Brougham freelanced for a small newspaper, even though they thought the price was prohibitive at $1,308 a year.
Being prepared, financially and emotionally, means having the tough conversations, even if you think you’re too young to have them. The spouses of Ms. Brougham, Ms. Truiett-Theodorson, Ms. Seib and Ms. Koncikowski did not have a will or advance estate planning. But Mr. Rosado did.
“I didn’t think death would come in my 30s,” he said. “Maybe in my 70s or 90s.”
