We’ve asked members of the BuzzFeed community several times to share the dumbest thing someone they know has said. And many of them shared silly things their boyfriends or husbands said to them, so here are the funniest:
1. “My first boyfriend thought a woman’s breasts swelled up during sex like a man’s penis does.”
-Anonymous
HBO
2. “We were talking about dinosaurs and he was shocked to hear they were real. He then proceeded to ask me if they really breathed fire. He thought dinosaurs and dragons were the same thing.”
—u/alixnkxng
3. “I dated a guy who once asked me why I ‘use so much toilet paper’ every time I come to his apartment. I asked him to elaborate on what he meant by that and he said there was no need to wipe every time and he wanted to know if I was just being wasteful. I had to inform him that women really do have to wipe themselves every time we pee.”
-Anonymous
4. “An ex-boyfriend of mine when we were together seemed deeply confused when I informed him that, no, a woman cannot get pregnant after oral sex. He was 27 or 28 at the time.”
-Anonymous
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HBO
5. “I dated a guy in my younger years who prided himself on being a womanizer. One day he boasted that he was an ‘acquaintance’ of women. Totally confused, the wheels in my head started turning. Then I said, “You mean a connoisseur?” He said, “Oh, yes, that’s it.”
6. “I was in the hospital and my boyfriend at the time texted me a picture of an ear of corn he had just peeled and asked if it had gone bad because it was yellow. He thought it had turned yellow from cooking. He was 40 years old!”
7. “He thought an egg came out when someone finished their period. Like… a chicken egg.”
— Absolutely Not Mothman
NBC
8. “I started my period and I went into the store and I reached for a box of large tampons. He shook my hand and said, ‘You don’t need that size.’ I was amazed that she was trying to tell me what type of tampon I needed based on size. The size of the buffer you get is based on the amount of flow you have. I married him and it was the biggest mistake of my life.”
-Anonymous
9. “My ex-boyfriend was concerned about periodic night sweats, so he googled it. He told me he was menopausal.”
-Anonymous
10. “My husband and I were talking to our neighbor who had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and my husband said he should probably get a prostate exam. Then he looked at me and said, ‘Honey, you should probably get a prostate exam too!’ I told him that women don’t have prostates.”
—lunaamethyst8124
NBC
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11. “My boyfriend at the time thought that when people said they bought a house with ‘cash’, the buyers were actually bringing bags of cash to pay for the property.”
-Anonymous
12. “My college ex thought all women could express breast milk on demand. He asked to try some of mine and was shocked when I informed him that I actually had to have a baby first.”
-Anonymous
13. “Then I took my boyfriend (who is cisgender) to the doctor because of some stomach problems he was having, and when the doctor asked him what kind of problem he had, he said very seriously, ‘I’m not sure. All I know is that it hurts a lot, I think it’s my ovaries.’
-Anonymous
NBC
14. “He asked, ‘Does it feel good to put a tampon in?’ He seriously equated tampon insertion with penetrative sex.”
-Anonymous
15. “I texted my ex, ‘benign!’, as I had the results from a tumor biopsy. His answer? “I thought that place closed a long time ago?!” He thought I was texting about the old restaurant, Bennigan’s.”
-Anonymous
16. “A guy I was dating confidently argued, ‘India is in Africa.’ We argued until we pulled out a map. We never spoke after that.”
-Anonymous
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HBO
17. “My washing machine went out, so I had to take my clothes and towels to a laundromat. I handed my boyfriend a basket of clothes and told him to go ahead and put them in any washing machine. He said, ‘Which washing machine is it?’
-Anonymous
18. “I said I was going to make whole wheat bread and he asked if he should buy whole wheat yeast.”
-Anonymous
19. “I had an argument with my now ex-boyfriend and at one point in the argument I said, ‘Do you need me to repeat that?!’ to which he replied: “NO! I want you to repeat!!!’ Then I yelled back at them, “What do you think REITERATE means?!” I have never heard such humiliating silence in my life. It was glorious.”
—crankyolddomdy
NBC
20. “My ex, when I told him I had a meeting with the dean of liberal arts, said, ‘Why isn’t there a dean of conservative things, too? This is why Republicans say they hate colleges! You could fix politics so quickly.’
— Abcdg
21. “Ex boyfriend didn’t believe geese fly south for the winter. He lived in an area (in MN) that had a heated lake and the geese were there in the winter. I tried to explain but he didn’t believe me.”
-Anonymous
22. “He said he would make pancakes and then put the dry powder directly into the hot pan.”
—u/Sims5Hebr
HBO
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23. “He thought the gas stations were placed on top of oil wells, which is why the gas stations are built next to each other. He thought the gas stations closed because the underground well dried up.”
-Anonymous
24. “It was December 1999 when my boyfriend at the time thought we were entering the 20th century.”
-Anonymous
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25. “I once briefly dated a guy who thought sweetened coffee had zero calories because ‘the sugar has dissolved, so there isn’t any.’
— millennial shrimp
NBC
26. “My ex thought the Underground Railroad had something to do with trains and used to live in the same area Harriet Tubman was from.”
—limbecke12
27. “My first husband and I went to my cousin’s house to watch the first moon landing on TV. On the way home, he asked me if I thought we would ever see a man land on the sun.”
-Anonymous
28. “I dated a guy who thought you took a birth control pill right before you had sex. He didn’t understand that you had to take it at the same time every day to actually prevent pregnancy.”
-Anonymous
NBC
29. “My ex-husband asked how the rice in the pot multiplies when it cooks. He thought it did.”
-Anonymous
30. “My husband claimed he could just open the window to ‘spread out’ his desk.”
—bpurplebutterfly
31. And finally, “I knew a guy who thought there were two suns. He went on vacation and said the sun was better where he was than at home.”
—deadpanflower887
What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard a man say? Tell us in the comments or use the anonymous form below:
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